Ego Tactics  1

Ego is not a real being, with a consciousness or will, but rather a defensive construct within the psyche.  However, it helps me to describe how I experience the workings of ego in myself, to invent this little red figure, and ascribe to it character and motivations.

Likewise, I am inventing an inner 'place', or state of being, called Egoland, where ego rules.  The contrast in atmospheres between Egoland and the Heartland has been my helpful reminder to stay on track for about ten years now.

From my experience of it, I would say that ego believes in the use of stick and carrot.

Threats and rewards seem to be ego's currency, and I have noticed how ego-ruled people relate to those around them by exerting pressure, perhaps since (being in the grip of fear) they can't believe in the reality of love.

Indeed, I have been continually induced to betray myself and cater to people's ego agendas, in spite of my better knowledge, either out of fear of rejection and disapproval, or out of anxiety to win ‘brownie points’ and so feed my self-image as a ‘good person’.

And this is without even mentioning my own - largely unconscious - ego agendas!

Either way, colluding with ego occurs out of fear – which is why it takes courage (heart quality, love and self-acceptance) to lay ego’s tactics to rest.

It is worth saying at the outset that all ego strategies are self-defeating. Each clever ruse contains the seeds of its own frustration. Every ego-boosting fantasy has a self-undermining, deflating underside. Every high precipitates the next low.

I try to remember this when I find myself drifting into Egoland, for it is all too easy to forget about ego's futility when something has ruffled our feathers.  Ego's squawking and rushing around makes it difficult to think clearly!

It takes practice to stop being bullied by our ego.

Ego rules by fear. As long as I am afraid to feel my own feelings, I am held in the grip of denial and unconsciousness, and ruled by my own fears. 

Ego relies on my reluctance to feel discomfort, disappointment, or abandonment, for example, to remain in business within my psyche, and invisible to my awareness.  Unspotted, for ego, is unstopped.

So - in spite of all the evidence of history and of my own personal experience, ego still seeks – and often manages - to convince and seduce me into listening to - and at times believing - its arguments.

I have found it helpful to develop a better ear for the ‘tone of voice’ in my mind, the tenor of the scripts I am 'hearing', to spot and stop ego's machinations when they start up . . .

I have also needed to keep taking care of myself, and take care to do nothing to harm my sense of self-worth, my dignity. 

Practising this has helped me learn to smell a rat when ego comes slinking around with its self-image boosting flatteries and its insidious, subliminal “no-one will notice, not even you” incitements to take ‘short-cuts’, use manipulation or intimidation, to cheat my way towards what I want.

Self-Awareness v. Ego

At first, of course, before I got interested in the workings of my mind, I had no awareness at all of any of this. I suppose it is quite possible to live one's life in ignorance of our own mixed motives.

However, once I embarked on my inner journey, which was not until I was in my 40s, I began to encounter uncomfortable feelings of self-distaste, as things I had been doing habitually, and unconsciously, began to swim into my awareness – to become conscious.  I would quite often be listening to myself talking, and thinking, 'God I wish she would shut up'.

It is unnerving, to have these experiences for the first time - recognising ourselves saying, thinking and doing things we don’t actually mean - or like, or trust.

But I have learned that noticing my unsavoury habits is a big step towards letting go of them.

Ego hides in the dusty corners of the mind, the places I’d rather not go. 

So willingness to become aware (or more aware) of my own less-than-shiny aspects has been a necessary precondition to cleaning up my inner house.

I need to be open-hearted, to catch ego at its tricks – to remain open to myself, and accepting of whatever feelings I'm finding difficult and uncomfortable.  And I need to keep spotting and stopping any self-blame and self-put-downs, which would discourage (dis-heart-en) me from continuing on my journey.

More to follow . . .