Also in this section:

Rough Guide to Issue 1

Introductory Thoughts

This 'blook' is a handbook of practical philosophy, by way of self-awareness.

It has been said, wisely, that those who know don’t say, and those who say, don’t know – and where I go off track, these writings will demonstrate the validity of that warning. But I have been greatly helped along my own path by others who have gathered their accumulated insights into book form. This encourages me to offer this website as a place for readers to visit, browse, and reflect - to stare out the window, even.

How alive I feel depends on how open I am, in any given moment, to reality – to the world, and the other people, around me, and to my own feelings. It is, after all, through my feelings that I become aware of the world.

Also, my feelings about life have a decisive effect on my actions, and on others’ responses to me – indeed, on the whole course of my life.

If I regard life as a fight to the death, or a struggle up a mountainside, or a vale of tears, arbitrary suffering and injustice – then I will project my negative view onto the world around me, and experience events accordingly.

If I regard life as a gift, and an endless outpouring of nourishment and support, I discover just how well accompanied I am on my way, with kindness, surprises, humour and timely insights round every corner.

Needless to say, I have different attitudes at different times, as I lurch in and out of harmony in my all-too-human daily life.

I was probably not 'responsible' for whatever experiences gave me any negative expectations I have harboured towards life: we are all born into a ready-made human world that is riddled with falsehoods and fantasies, and we can’t change the past. But we can free ourselves - I can free myself - from the tainted attitudes I have accumulated, and it is for me to deal with my own inner nonsense.

If I don’t do it, nobody else will. How could they? And yet – there is always help, often from unexpected quarters. All we have to do is ask, and remember to keep asking.

So, one theme of these Rough Guides is to describe my experience of unmasking nonsense - the nonsense in my own mind.  Learning to do this has proved so helpful in my life.  It has made me less susceptible to being taken in and turned around - turned against myself - by my own fears and ego-inspired 'solutions'. Of course, I'm not immune to ego, but it doesn't take over so easily, or for so long, as it did before!

I expect it is a lifelong journey, this path of increasing self-awareness and detachment. As I have walked it so far, I have felt my burdens lighten and even float off my shoulders, and I have had a growing sense of inner spaciousness, in place of pressures I had barely been aware of till they disappeared.

Also, a sense of belonging, and of permission to be myself has been confirmed at every step.  Though I am still aware of having to take my own steps, which occasionally requires courage, while it often calls for self-control.

No one is supervising me in this life – only I can know whether or not I am being true to myself.

Although the insights described in these Guides are based on my own experience, this writing is not primarily autobiographical, in the sense of being about my own life events. (I have only recently been able to contemplate trying to write a memoir.)

So while I set out to describe the winding path between Egoland and the Heartland, with its ups and downs, as I have come to recognise them in the course of my own journey, and offer snapshots and shorthand tips which I hope will be helpful to others, these Rough Guides will preserve a certain reticence and privacy about my own story.

The Rough Guides to the Heartland offer a metaphor - geographical, psychological and political* - for the inner life.  They describe four distinct ‘places’, or states of mind, where I have found myself, from time to time.

*  Feminism taught us that the personal is political.  I would want to add that the political is personal.  Human history is born in the human heart.

The journey through life does not seem to go in a straight line - not, at least, at the level of feeling, or meaning (whatever we mean by ‘meaning’!) It has been described as a spiral path, laid out in gardens and churches as a labyrinth, or shown in the image of the snake curled round on its tail (‘ouroboros’).

(image by Marianna Lines, for my book, The Myth of Progress, 1996.)

This circling, repeating nature of experience contrasts with our Western ideas of ‘goals’ and ‘achievements’. Indeed, we don’t ‘get there’ on the inside of life, by achieving or acquiring things, or by climbing ladders.

Even when we are on course, and making true progress, things don't always seem to be moving forward, the wind's not always with us. But we shouldn’t feel discouraged (though of course we do) when another wave rocks our boat.

SONG: Follow the Path (back to yourself)

In my experience, things can and do gradually get better, easier, more harmonious, as I proceed along my path – as long as I am indeed on my own path, and not evading it, or getting distracted!

The four ‘states of mind’ I describe in the Rough Guides are:

The Heartland – where I feel like myself - free and natural, unconstrained, open to inspiration and enjoyment; where I find myself in harmony, with myself and with others, and where life does seem to flow along with mysterious ease.

Egoland – where I shore myself up with all sorts of strategies, self-images, denials and evasions, using effort to cover up some hurt, or a sense of underlying unease; where I resort to ‘goodies and baddies’ thinking, and spend time arguing with and accusing myself and others, either in my mind or actually, out loud - in gossip.

Fear – the area of anguish that can shade into mental disturbance, but - when consciously experienced, acknowledged, and not given in to - can open up my inner access to my real feelings, and to insight and detachment.

However, I have learned that fear is ego's favourite fuel, and that fear denied or avoided can be the source of insensitivity towards myself and others, and all kinds of destructive behaviour.

On the Way – the Path, or journey of learning, moment to moment, month to month, on which I find myself supported, nudged, sometimes tweaked or teased – or even shaken – by events, but where, over and over again, with attention and always asking for help, I recover my sense of direction and of being accompanied.

Most of us probably move from one state to another several times in a day – or even in an hour. I know I do. And no one else can know, except by consulting their own feelings, which state I am in at any given time. I myself may be unaware that I've lurched or drifted off-centre, into Egoland or into fear, unless I come into stillness and pay attention to what's going on inside.  Learning to consult my feelings and be guided by them is what it means to me, to be ‘on the way’.